Much Afraid, Now Acceptance with Joy

A few months back I finished reading Hinds Feet in High Places. The day I picked up the book, I thought to myself "This is going to get me to Ireland!" For some reason I thought an allegorical tale, meant to illustrate and articulate the nature of God as our Good Shepherd in a fancy way, was my ticket across the Atlantic. That should have been my first red flag. I laugh, now, at those thoughts. Not in a judgemental, "holier-than-thou" attitude, but more from the perspective of "joke's on you Paige! God has something more for you and He is a way better author than you are."

My favorite part of the story is the end. During Much Afraid's long journey, she's longing so much for transformation. That transformation, she doesn't realize at the time, is happening during her long journey partnered with Sorrow and Suffering. The transformation she's longing for is finalized at the end of the story and it is beautiful.She is physically perfected, and she's given a new name! Acceptance with Joy.

When I picked up this tale, I thought I was in control of even my spiritual formation (might even say especially my spiritual formation) and that it would come from a book I chose to read, and not the power of God?! How false I was.

My second favorite part of this story are the many alter scenes, the burning away of Much Afraid's trust in herself. There were several times Much Afraid had to let go of something of her own and watch it be burnt up. The small sacrifice was not without a cost of pain each time, but she let them all go one by one. And each time, although she thought she was going to die quite the opposite was true. She found that she was given a new understanding and trust in the Good Shepherd that freed her!


Did finishing the book get me Ireland? No. Did finishing the book get me to more of Jesus? Yes. Were my hopes and affections misplaced? Yes, absolutely. My understanding convoluted? Yes.*

Similarly, to Much Afraid, I long for the High Places and I too survey what is before me etching out a pathway of my own up the mountain all the while forgetting that I've set out to follow the Good Shepherd who knows the way.  I didn't realize that God, in reading about Much Afraid dying to herself, was beginning to soften my heart, yet again, to receive more of Him; more of the Gospel before a crucial time in my life. For it is about following and obeying the path set before me, rather than striking out my own based on my own understanding of the terrain.

You see, I thought going to Ireland for overseas missions would be my transformer. As I lay down my pen and push aside the narrative I was writing, I begin to see the words on the page already written, for me. I am becoming Acceptance with Joy through journeys of sorrow and suffering. Without Sorrow and Suffering right by her side Much Afraid could not have made it at all to the High Places.


*Hinds Feet on High Places is not a inspired word of God, merely a tool or fictional supplement much like Pilgrim's Progress to illustrate the life of one who sets out to respond to the call of God on their life: to follow Him. Clarity on the misplaced affections of my heart came from reading God's word, "living and active, sharper than any two edged sword".

Thoughtful Thursday...

Occasionally, I like to get online and read about what is going on in the world. Yesterday, was one of those days. I've been thrown into a spiraling thought process since then. I attempt to hash them out here:

As I scanned the headlines of BBC News, Ireland's mention quickly caught my attention. I then searched online for the Irish Times to find this article. Oh, the many layers of morality, ethics, politics, and religion tangled and mixed up in this tragic event. What's right, what's wrong?

I don't quite know what to think or say about this, except that I'm saddened by it. I am at a loss for the correct words to express my thoughts. At first I only know my emotion, then the deluge of questions. 

How rare is an even like this is? And, for it to happen in such a country as Ireland, in the Republic no less? A country already marked by and surviving through a tangled web morality, religion, and government.

There is something inside of me crying "Injustice! There is something that should have been done!" An attitude of being entitled to life. Truth: we're not. "Why couldn't they do this or that to save them both even?" It is death that I am crying out against. It is death that I, and others involved with this story now, am enraged by. Death.  

The law established in Ireland is to never impose death upon another, regardless of how far developed he or she is, and yet in keeping this law, a law with life-giving intention, not one; but two lives ended. The contradiction here is perplexing and overwhelming. 

Who are we, the created, to say who may live or die? Such a decision, or choice, seems much to large and overwhelming for us, the created. Shoes much too big to fill.  

It is natural to be enraged by death, to hate it. It's in our very being to desire life. We were created with such a desire and it's meant to be fulfilled...

My initials thoughts and emotions have faded, the dust is beginning to settle. As it lands, I'm questioning the media: Is this story now being cast in a particular light? Is this being blasted all over the news to stir the rallies? To push for a more "modern" rule? 

Either way, I'm saddened by this, and praying for Ireland.  

Rest...

ndeed, the past two to three days have been trying and tiring. I'm not great at making big decisions for myself. I labor over them, fret, pray, and evaluate all foreseeable options or solutions. I'm like a crock pot it seems. So imagine someone like me making a decision for another human being, one who under normal circumstances would have the ability to make it for themselves, in a matter of hours... Phew, it's made me tired. This short storm, for the moment has calmed. All I want to do is sit on my couch in my comfy fleece pants and a sweatshirt. I would not say no to a hearty bowl of chocolate ice cream either... Life goes on though, and I have a job to do, work to finish for the day. So, I'm taking this moment to decompress a little bit, exhale some. Then the Lord brings the following hymn to mind, and as I read through all of the lyrics, because I can't remember it all verbatim. Tears come to my eyes, and I'm so thankful for this sweet reminder, this sweet truth:

 Psalm 62

"My soul finds rest in God alone, My Rock and my salvation, A fortress strong against my foes, And I will not be shaken. Though lips may bless and hearts may curse, And lies like arrows pierce me, I’ll fix my heart on righteousness, I’ll look to Him who hears me.

O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward; Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God.

Find rest, my soul, in God alone Amid the world’s temptations; When evil seeks to take a hold I’ll cling to my salvation. Though riches come and riches go, Don’t set your heart upon them; The fields of hope in which I sow Are harvested in heaven.

O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward; Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God.

I’ll set my gaze on God alone, And trust in Him completely; With every day pour out my soul, And He will prove His mercy. Though life is but a fleeting breath, A sigh too brief to measure, My King has crushed the curse of death And I am His forever.

O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward; Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God."

I still want some chocolate :) but I can set my gaze on God alone, and trust in Him completely...O praise Him, Hallelujah.

Experimenting...

opying and pasting - enhancing the blog! This is so cool. I'm probably a little behind the times with this, but I've found it now :) Thanks to Jessica Hische at Daily Drop Cap!

And the beat goes on...

Welp, as usual, it's been a few months :)

I don't mind posting every few months. The gaps allow time for life and living, and more to blog about!

In reading over my previous entry, I'm surprised by how ironically relevant my thoughts and words were for the weeks following that post. And I marveled at how I little I knew then about living in bittersweet.

During the time of my previous post, on the bittersweet-ness of life, I was wrestling through the joy and excitement of heading off to Ireland :) for a 12day excursion - 1 part mission trip & 1 part vision trip - and the sadness of  leaving my family during a concerning time. Days before I was to leave for Ireland my grandfather had a very sudden massive stroke. Prognosis was not positive, at all. And just a few short weeks before all of this, a new really fun dating relationship had abruptly ended and was still working through that. That was a little bit of sadness, but of a different kind.

Little did I know during the coming weeks, the bitterness would increase while the sweetness decreased, and I would find myself exhausted, tired, frustrated - SPENT - internally screaming, "Stop with the chaos already! I'm done, I can't take it!"

My grandfather passed away during my last day in Ireland. I came home just in time to attend his funeral. It happened to be the same weekend of a good friend's wedding. I originally thought I'd be coming home to attend and participate in the wedding, however, that was obviously not so. Not only did I come home with sad and heavy heart, the AC was broken in my house, and my Jeep at the same time suddenly needed a new alternator, as evidenced by not cranking after being jumped, and the Auto Zone alternator test! 

The Monday & Tuesday following the funeral, only held a bit more stress. On Monday, my roommate and I learn we have 7 weeks to find a new dwelling place - the homeowners decided to put the house on the market. Here comes move #4 since May of 2009. It's 2012 people - do the math. I'm becoming a professional mover! Yahoo for singleness; Yahoo for renting - not! Tuesday held for me more stress of the familial kind as began to deal with some issues concerning another family member's health/well being.

Now, how is there much sweet in all this, you may wonder. It sounds kind of crazy, right?

The Dating Halt
     Bitterness: confusion, end of fun, feeling rejection, loss of a friend (in a way but not a total loss prob.)
    Sweetness: well, more free time to raise support for Ireland, seeing God's provision like crazy, no more worries/wonders about "where it's going"

Trip to Ireland
     Bitterness: leaving my family during a hard time, sadness over my grandfather's health, saying goodbye,
     Sweetness: hearing the stories of other folks' lives/suffering through loss and how they still praise and worship God, walking in Dublin, fish & chips, new friends, adventure.

The Funeral
      Bitterness: the loss, the sadness, trying to explain/understand death
     Sweetness: celebration of a beautiful life! learning more about my family & my grandfather, going through it with them, seeing what a blessing family is and praising God for them, hoping in the promises of God - finding strength there.

The Move:
     Bitterness: bad timing (didn't want it to happen necessarily), not being neighbors with great friends, stress of looking for a new place, another reminder of an 'unsettled' lifestyle, planning a move, 
     Sweetness: seeing God's faithfulness through providing so many things - a new place, friends to help, meeting my needs

Moral of the story: Life and circumstance will always be changing, and will never fail to disappoint or cause pain. But God never will...so let the bittersweet continue. By Him I press on; in Him I will - very much humbled. 

Never Ready

One verse that has been a grounding verse for me during these current post-grad years of life is a line from Psalm 139, "you know all of my days, every one of them, even as yet there were none". The idea, and fact, that God knows all of my days even as yet there were none of them is so mind boggling to me. I think of this less during the seasons of life where I'm so full of joy and excitement I could just burst; seasons of elation. It's the seasons of life when I feel as if I truly am busting and breaking into pieces, seasons of sorrow, that I think of this truth more, nudged to remember who is in control - saved, but not without lots of questions.

The questions I'm learning may not all be answered - this I am learning is OK. Things just happen, life just happens - from my perspective anyway.

Life for me right now could not be more bittersweet. In fact that's the only way I have been tasting it lately. Perhaps, this is why I love strong coffee more and more, and my addiction to dark chocolate is sometimes consuming. I am learning to love bittersweet. I am seeing that life on this side of heaven will always be bittersweet. That strange and sometimes unbearable tension between the "already, but not yet" makes everything bittersweet, like a longing only half-way fulfilled or the beauty in the sky as the sun busts up the scene of a dark, strong summer storm creating the glimmer of a rainbow, a symbol of peace and promise against an ominous background. 

I don't understand how and why things for me now need to be so bittersweet but I'm starting to find a groove here. I'm starting to embrace and survive this. I learning that crossing that oh so fine line between laughing and crying is okay. Joy within sorrow, laughter amid pain. I know this right now; I'm living this right now. I am surviving this right now and I am OK. There is something rich along this fine line. The richness makes me thankful. It makes enduring the sorrows and eating up the joys worthwhile. I'm also learning I'm never ready for either one.

The completion of the "already" makes living in the "not yet" a bit more bearable - hope for tomorrow and strength for today.

Oh, Mr. Lewis: how you inspire & encourage

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

I love a good quote. I love a good word. I love a good thought.

I hate when those good thoughts and good words just stay in my head though. I want them to move to my heart, then cause my hands and feet to move.

I don't want to miss my holiday at the sea.

Psalm 16:11 Psalm 66:13-20

Dreams and M&Ms

Hello all - I'm sticking with my consistently inconsistent blogging habits to post tidbits of my latest thoughts and ponderings. Please enjoy:

The Big M's

As a single lady, now in my mid-twenties, I've discovered the development of a possible fork in the road that might also be present in the lives of other young Christian women my age: Missions & Marriage.

I am not by any means expecting a freshly glittered and weighted left hand, however, I realize now it's not quite as far off as I once thought. Nor is the opportunity for a life of mission; a life devoted to being laid down and poured out for the sake of the gospel.

At first glance, one may easily assume the second M, that is Missions, is more glorious, more approved and praised by God. But upon looking deeper into the heart of each M they essentially are one in the same, though the practicals may be extremely different.

Bear with me as I process this a bit out loud...

Are we not to live our lives doing all we can for the Glory of God? 

(Col. 3:23) yes...we are.

So then, what is the difference in serving God by loving and serving your husband/family? 

Or serving God by serving and loving the lost?

Serving/loving your husband is less, practically, evangelical. I doubt going around shouting Romans 6:23 to your husband each day while drawing the bridge diagram on every free space in the house encourages love and affection, ha! 

However, do I not need to hear the gospel each day? To be reminded that I am sinner in need of much grace and forgiveness from the Father each day?

And my husband, equally a sinner, does he not then need to hear it too? 

Yes. 

So perhaps the evangelism occurring in the newlywed home is a bit more subtle, a bit more gentle, and a bit more spoken unto the self so as to serve and love one another more faithfully and genuinely. For how else is one to seek to love unconditionally but to be loved unconditionally, accepting His grace and forgiveness with new mercies each day, each moment.

This aspect of Gospel living, in my mind, seems slower, deeper, and more steady.

The other M, Missions, obviously, at first thought seems adventurous,exciting, pioneer-like. Being on the front lines of anything, it seems, means the highs are so high and the lows are so low; the risks are much more risky but the rewards so much more rewarding. It seems there might be more to lose as a single woman serving in missions, in any capacity - Overseas, Stateside, Part-time, Full-time, volunteer, what have you. Your 'husband' is the Lord and your children? Well, you are a spiritual mother. Your children are not your own biologically per-say. Your time is spent for the spiritual nurturing of those around you and, yes, the self-gospel preaching still happens, but the outward gospel preaching seems like it would be more frequent as it would be your 'job'. But do you really have more to lose? Perhaps I'm thinking it seems like there is more to sacrifice? But is it really more of a sacrifice? I know plenty of mothers faithfully serving God by serving their husbands who sacrifice a TON!

Personally...I know nothing of being married, nor much about being in a serious relationship. And I'm certainly not an expert in ministry, ha! However, from what I do know and understand of both I think I would like for the two M's to mesh. I would like for them to be intertwined and mingled in together, becoming and growing harder to separate and distinguish as time goes on. I would like to know the slower steadiness of learning grace through a marriage to a godly man who loves and serves the lost; and me, his helpmate serving right alongside of him - encouraging, assisting, serving, loving and eventually/hopefully/maybe rearing children in the ways of the Lord to follow after their father...

Currently, I believe these are sweet dreams and hopes to lay at the feet of Jesus who holds all things together.

Any and all thoughts on this will be greatly appreciated as well as a joy to read and discuss! =)

The Cold

Forgive me of my failures to blog consistently. And...forgive me for using this reunion post to do nothing short of complain, whine, vent my general frustrations with: the common cold, which for me eventually morphs into an awesome sinus infection.

I can put a tally up for having at least two of these sarcastically wonderful experiences within less than 3 months...wwwhy? =(

One week this one has lasted. Monday I was laid flat out; in bed til 12pm and catching a 40min nap, oh, around 5pm. Tuesday...again could barely get up in the AM however, I managed to push my self out of bed and make it to work, only a mere two hours late...

Wednesday and Thursday follow Monday and Tuesday as an alternating, up & down coaster ride of feeling great then feeling not-so-great.

Today, Friday, I'm feeling spent. My voice - well, you cold liken it to a 60 year old smoker's rasp. As I attempt to speak to others at the office, occasional words seem to just fall away making my sentences more like a game of fill-in-the-blank rather than a contribution to conversation....sigh, I do not enjoy this...I've waved my little white flag to this larynx seizing cold by just tapping out of verbal interaction....praying the phone does not ring during the lunch break of phone girl #1, in which case I become phone girl #1.

Why not go see Mr. Doctor you ask? My answer, plain and simple, stubbornness. Besides I wouldn't have anything to blog about today, on the this doing-nothing-day in the office, right? Ah, sigh, there is some redemption to being in this cross fire of internal germ warfare. I'll suffer through to contentment today, with each application of chapstick to the nostrils, and secret tissue nose plugs stopping the 'drainage'.

Reigning Blessing from Above

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." - James 1:17

News update:

My roommate is engaged! Ali Douglas will soon be Mrs. Andrew Hawkins =) So sweet.

I went to my first engagement party last night and it was great. So many folks came to celebrate and what a celebration it was as they recounted the proposal story.

And, this morning at around 4:50AM little Sophie Magdalene Lightcap was born - solid 8lbs 14oz. She is my new neighbor and soon to be friend!

Can't wait to meet her.

Just another Manic Monday

My apologies for a blogging delay of about hmm...7 months!

I'm pregnant!

Just kidding...terrible joke.

Although several of my close friends, and even family, are currently with child. I am not. I am single. Annd, do not endorse premarital activities that might have the potential of any kind baby making...nor do I practice them...ehmm, just to clear the air =)

Great news, with no intention of patronizing or insincerity despite the lengthy gap in updates, but Matt Hill was found - safe and sound! Found in Asheville, NC not long after being reported missing. Great news. And great illustration of relentless love and pursuit by God for His people. He will leave the 99 to seek the 1.

Although, reasons are unknown to me as to why he went missing, all is well now. That is all I need to know.

How about a quick update on my life perhaps?

Indeed 'tis a Manic Monday for me. Christmas is in two weeks and I've bought 3 presents - all of which where for my friends - and my mom's family Christmas is this weekend! double eek!

However, I shall not fret, because 1) I am crafty, creative, and resourceful in a pinch 2) I am also thrifty and frugal in a pinch and 3) God is good and does provide for all things.

So, when as the Christmas gift crunch is beginning to squish me I am fighting for Joy, letting, and more often than not making my quaking, feeble heart rest in Truth. The heart of Christmas!

Missing: Matt Hill

What's up folks:

So, if you have been watching the news in Charlotte and DC or following probably anyone with Campus Outreach on Twitter or are friends with anyone from NC, SC or DC on Facebook then you have probably heard about the search for Matt Hill. Matt Hill is on staff with Campus Outreach in Washington D.C. This is the first year for this branch of CO - ministering and evangelizing on the campuses in the DC area. What an adventure is must be to be apart of the launch team of an organization that is all about people hearing, knowing, and living the gospel - especially in such an influential city, our nation's capital.

On Tuesday morning Matt Hill went missing... Missing: Matt Hill The word about him being missing is getting out and from Twitter it seems that progress is being made as far as finding/getting very needed information.

What's the connection to me and you?

I know his brother. His brother is on staff with CO Greenville. And if you are believer, Matt is your brother in Christ - how sweet that is, that we could be tied together by Christ!

My heart has been burdened for him and by this whole situation since I first heard of it. Please pray. The FBI is saying this is a critical missing person case. Pray for the Lord to be the strength of his family and friends at this time. Pray that God would have mercy to let us know where he is/may be - that he may be found! Pray for God's glory to be shining through this difficult time, revealing His character as sovereign and keeper of all things especially his people. Pray that we would see this in light of eternity...suffer through with a heavenly perspective - such a strong, scary, powerful thing that can't be done without God's grace. Pray that if he should not be found, that we would remember the words of Jesus, when he says that no one who is his will ever be plucked from his hand and rejoice in this Eternal Hope when gloomy doubts and despair come knocking on our heart's door.

Crafty Creation

It is TUESDAY! and yes, I'm still alive. I've almost flatlined in the blogging world. My apologies as my life has be super crazy the past few weeks.

Nevertheless, here is my most recent creation, made for a special little girl on her 4th birthday.

Ta-dah! A magnetic chalk board. She, as well as her siblings, loved it too - blessed my heart. =) haha

The following are pictures of the progression of it's creation:

Original Item: old bulletin board.

Base Layer: Magnetic primer.

Top Layer: Chalkboard spray paint

Personalization

Decorative Practicals: Cute Magnets!

And there ya' go. Easy and so much fun for kids!!

* Just be careful with younger toddlers and chalk....some of them like to eat the chalk instead of drawing with it!

A thought for you, on Thursday

Am I really sticking to my schedule?? after my vent about not being on one...hmm...=)

So twice this week I have been asked what I like to do for fun. Is it bad I'm almost stumped by that question?? Potentially. I do have fun, not like in college kind of fun: hanging out till late with friends just killing time "destressing" from all pressure of school work etc.; but still have fun!

Why do I feel somewhat insecure about that question too? Probably because 1) I'm almost stumped by it, and we all know that well adjusted happy people do stuff for fun! and 2) I fear some type of judgment.

Anyway...Here are my thoughts on what is fun:

Hanging out in good company eating good food, telling lots of jokes, sharing lots of laughter, and stories
Going to Andrews, North Carolina
All staff river day with Snowbird Wilderness Outfitters
Being outside
Being silly with kids
Going out for a night on the town
Trying new things
New experiences
Playing around on my guitar
Writing/Reading and Discussion
Yard Sale-ing
Giving gifts
Catching up with folks on life
Listening to new music!

There ya go....just a few things that are fun to me, and for me...
I've been reading another book lately. This one is called Sabbath . It's been good to read and I think maybe I was stumped on the question regarding fun because I don't really rest anymore, because there is a type of rest/rejuvination in doing things that are fun, because they mostly cause you to experience joy which is rejuvinating.  Here is a short quote to follow up on that thought:

"Much of modern life, of course, is specifically designed to seduce our attention away from this inner place of refuge. When we are in the world with eyes wide open, the seductions are insatiable. Hundreds of channels of cable and satellite television; telephones with multiple lines and call-waiting, so we can talk to more than one person at a time; fax machines; mail, e-mail, and overnight mail; billboards; magazines; newspapers; radio. Every stimulus competes for our attention: Buy me. Watch me. Try me. Drink me. It is as if we have inadvertently stumbled into some horrific wonderland.

 Sabbath time can become our refuge. During the Sabbath we set aside a sanctuary in time, disconnect form the frenzy of consumption and accomplishment, and consecrate our day as an offering for healing all beings."

All this is of course done in Christ: 

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." 

So much for a schedule!

Have you ever met one of those type-A's? You know, the kind that are ALWAYS five minutes early because early is on time for them and actually being on time is late?? and they also have everything planned out perfectly to a "t", every hair in place, every rule followed and kept with such ease and grace, and their kids probably grow up with their rooms looking like something out of the pottery barn for kids or the land of nod...on and on...you get the picture...and you are probably thinking of someone in particular right now =) I know I am.

I am not so much a type-A. Sometimes, I like to think that secretly deep down I really am but God's providential hand trumps my secret "type-A ness" every time, therefore making me a type-B personality...isn't that stuff kind of relative anyway?

When I compare myself to an extreme group of type-A's I'm definitely a type-B, but when I compare myself to an extreme group of type-B's I look more like an A...what's a girl to do, is there a type-A/B?? Maybe it's called type-C?  What do you say all you psych. majors??

Anyway, I had this plan, a schedule of sorts, to only blog on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Sundays. Each day's post was to be a particular topic....well as you can see, if you've followed my blog at all, my plan has been thwarted, ironically enough by my schedule...schedule of daily living. I have no consistent "Crafty Creations" for my Tuesday posts, rarely a "Nanny's Nook" post, and occasionally I have a thought for you on Thursday...today just happened to be Tuesday, and I just happened to have time to post something, but since it's Tuesday it should be a crafty creation I'm working on...yet I have nothing; nothing new, nothing progressed upon - evidence for a true type-B.

So, the secret type-A person inside me is very irritated, frustrated by the fact that my plan for the blog, and crafting, has not fully come to fruition and I consider giving it up all together because it can't be done perfectly. As I have planned. However, here I am, blogging - making myself appear as a type-B who joyfully blogs when she has the time, accepting the fact she lives in a fallen world where man's plans are bound to be trumped and the Lord's only prevail. Which I do believe and know that doctrine but still get very frustrated...

Anyway, what's the point of this blog besides my stream of consciousness regarding personality types and my frustration with mini-failure, except to to say that my plans for crafts have been placed on the back burner, due to life and commitments, as well as my plans to become Super-All Natural Beauty Product Woman Of The Year due to unsuspecting chemicals mixing on my face causing fiery reactions (Don't worry, I'm fine, just don't let baking soda and benzyol-peroxide repetitively touch your skin...)

so much for a schedule after all...


*if you sense a bit a bitterness in this post you are looking into something that is not there, at least not at the moment, I admire a classic type-A for all their perfect accomplishments and thank the Lord I don't worry too much about being so absolutely perfect...*

Thoughtful Thursday

On a recent trip to Asheville, my friends and I stopped in for a visit to the Barnes & Noble. I love that some of my friends enjoy bookstores, have a need for a new journal on a consistent basis, and consider sitting around over a cup of coffee or sweet treat the best kind of quality time.

Anyway, I bought a book while I was there! "Let Me Be A Woman" by Elisabeth Elliott. It's a short, non-fiction consisting of various letters E.E. wrote to her daughter Valarie as she (Valarie) was waiting to be married. The topic of each letter is somewhat different but all get at the same thing..."The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God's idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him..." (pg 43)

She was writing to Valarie in 1976 during the peak of the feminist movement. What a counter-cultural book for that time, and even for our time, now. There is so much going on now about gender and sexuality that some of it is kind of ridiculous.

I'm thankful for E.E.'s love for her daughter, and for her wisdom as she wrote words to her daughter that are true, even today about who I am, and am to be as a woman (more of a lady for me right now =)) of God. 

Here is the specific quote for this Thoughtful Thursday:

Talking on how the heartbeat of the Women's Liberation Movement is actually enslaving.

"But God has set no traps for us. Quite the contrary, He has summoned us to the only true and full freedom. The woman who defines her liberation as doing what she wants, or not doing what she doesn't want, is, in first place evading responsibility, [and the] evasion of responsibility is the mark of immaturity. While telling themselves that they've come a long way, that they are actually coming of age, they have retreated to a partial humanity, one which refuses to acknowledge the vast significance of the sexual differentiation...And the woman who ignores that fundamental truth ironically misses the very thing she has set out to find. By refusing to fulfill the whole vocation of womanhood she settles for a caricature, a pseudo-personhood." (pg 45)

Placing these words into the context of the time they were written blows my mind. What radical statements! But how true, are they not? Is it not true that real, life-giving freedom is found in knowing Christ and therefore who He has made us to be? We are the created are we not? Therefore, we have a purpose, we're not arbitrarily placed here, though at times it may seem as such. I mean think about it this way, you don't make a pillow to hang it on the wall or paint something beautiful to use a door mat, right? No, you make the pillow to rest your head on, or to accent a room. And you paint something beautiful to decorate your home or showcase your talent.

So, (going with the analogies) if the painting had feelings (and autonomy), and wanted to rebel against the artist it would usurp the artist's attempts to hang it and place itself on the front porch floor just in front of the door...but it wouldn't really be happy! It would trampled on, scuffed, broken. But if the autonomous, emotionally aware painting, submitted to the artist's attempts to hang it on the wall the painting would be delighted in, enjoyed, praised, appreciated...but only when, and after, the painting submitted. 


There is a distinct difference between man and woman, even down to our very soul, the very fiber and nature of our being, we are different and thus created to fulfill different roles. And E.E. is saying that in fulfilling our own, purposed roles, we find life because we are submitting to the will of our Father, the Creator! We find who we are and who we were intended to be, by God's design.

I love this book...I'm eating it up. EE is causing me to want to be a better "God-woman" more accepting and welcoming of my feminine "responsibilities", mindset, heart-set, and character...  - and I could dialogue for days!

In some of my circles, this idea is not that new or seemingly radical, but outside of them...radical indeed, and so desperately needing to be said!

- p.carrick -

No poo??

Yes, 'tis true, my hair was washed with no shampoo!

Okay, for those of you who know me, it's been said that I have hippie tendencies. Hippie tendencies in my life are evidenced by my regular wearing of Chaco sandals with most any outfit, my occasional wearing of patchoulli oil, and my over-all laid back/easy going personality. But those are all things seen/noticed at first glance or meeting. After some time, you find I'm more of just a simple, conservative chick who appreciates keeping things simple.

Anyhoo, this post will only add to the evidence for the case that I am more hippie like than not...I share because I think it's neat!

Exhibit A: No poo (shampoo) hair washing.

No shampoo??? you are asking. Why, yes, this method of haircare exists, is effective, and is all natural. I tried it once last spring but didn't quite have all the right stuff so I lost my patience and went back to the regular shampoo. This spring, however, I'm giving it a second chance. I'm feeling more confident about it now too. I've learned from my mistakes and I'm pressing on!

Why? do you ask. Why go with all natural? It's so "weird" and counter cultural. Well, perhaps it is counter cultural, and perhaps it is the doing of my inner hippie, but check out the ingredients of your typical OTC shampoo - lots of bad chemicals. Also, this method of hair washing is SO CHEAP and very easy to make. So, if you are a DIY kind of girl like myself, finding joy in crafty things as well, and have a fondness for living simply/frugally you may be  interested in the following recipe. And personally, again the inner hippie in me speaking, there is just something fun, and neat about living so simply - like back in the old days kind of.

Shampoo:      

1 -2 Tablespoons of baking soda per 1 cup of warm water.* Pour mixture into an empty spray bottle and there ya go.

That simple

*A fun thing I did was buy some lavender essential oil and put about 30 drops into the shampoo mixture for some fragrance. Be careful though essential oils are strong and expensive.

Conditioner:

1-2 Tablespoons of apple cider vinegar (or lemon juice) per 1 cup of warm water. Pour mixture into an empty spray bottle and shazam...you have an all natural conditioner. You can also put in some honey if you use lemon juice. (that's my method) Reports say that apple cider vinegar can make your hair a little greasy so the alternative is lemon/lime juice with a touch of honey.

Washing:

Simply spray the shampoo mixture at the roots of your hair and scrub in a circular motion. While washing focus mostly on the roots. This helps clean your scalp and stimulate hair growth as you are somewhat massaging your scalp. Which is the most effective way to stimulate hair growth.

Once the massage/wash is finished, rinse. Then grab your conditioning mixture and spray on the ends of your hair and your scalp. Once you've worked it into your scalp rinse again and you are finished!

All natural cleaning complete.
________________________________________________________________

A few things to note:

You won't have suds when you wash.
There is a de-tox time period of about 2 weeks, where your hair may be a little more greasy that normal until the chemical balance on your scalp balances out.
Stick it out! It's worth it.

Rockin' Re-do!!

Newest project: A re-painting of a rocking chair.

Re-cap: bought the chair at a local church yard sale for $10 last August...it was pretty rough looking...well, still is...I sanded for several hours Saturday afternoon and this all the progress I made:

Going to be a long process... =)

Touching Base

Okay...so I confess, I've been a wonderful slacker with my blogging. Forgive me, all .5 readers out there! =)

I have been INCREDIBLY busy the past month. Do you ever feel like life just doesn't stop?? That change is the only consistency?? I do.

In the past month I have gone on two retreats/conferences, participated in a wedding, and effectively moved out of one house and into a new one (insert cheers and hip-hip-horrays, coupled with a huge sigh of relief!)

Today should be my crafty creation highlight...however, I don't have much of anything to post...eek! I've been so busy, as I said before, and sadly I only have a black picture frame to show for it.

As a favor for a friend's wedding, I re-vamped an old window pane. Once the re-do was finished, she had the glass re-inserted and used Modd Podge to glue in a few of her engagement pictures, after she had them enlarged. Then it was hung near the door during the reception.

Here are just a few pics:

Process:

Remove glass

Sand

Dust

Paint

That simple.

* The pane was found after hours of searching various thrifts/goodwill/yard sales and lucking upon a store appropriately named "Shinola" near The Handlebar in Greenville.

Thoughtful Thursday

This entry is going to be mostly quotes...one from scripture and one from Matthew Henry's commentary on Isaiah 2 (that one is pretty long but worth the read).

"Stop regarding man

in whose nostrils is breath,

for of what account is he?"

~ Isaiah 2:22 ~

Matthew Henry:

"To make those that have trusted in an arm of flesh ashamed of their confidence (v. 22): "Cease from man. The Providences of God concerning you shall speak this aloud to you, and therefore take warning beforehand, that you may prevent the uneasiness and shame of disappointment; and consider, 

 1. How weak man is: His breath is in his nostrils, puffed out every moment, soon gone for good and all.’’ Man is a dying creature, and may die quickly; our nostrils, in which our breath is, are of the outward parts of the body; what is there is like one standing at the door, ready to depart; nay the doors of the nostrils are always open, the breath in them may slip away ere we are aware, in a moment. Wherein then is man to be accounted of? Alas! no reckoning is to be made of him, for he is not what he seems to be, what he pretends to be, what we fancy him to be. Man is like vanity, nay, he is vanity, he is altogether vanity, he is less, he is lighter, than vanity, when weighed in the balance of the sanctuary. "

 2. How wise therefore those are that cease from man;’’ it is our duty, it is our interest, to do so. "Put not your trust in man, nor make even the greatest and mightiest of men your confidence; cease to do so. Let not your eye be to the power of man, for it is finite and limited, derived and depending; it is not from him that your judgment proceeds. Let not him be your fear, let not him be your hope; but look up to the power of God, to which all the powers of men are subject and subordinate; dread his wrath, secure his favour, take him for your help, and let your hope be in the Lord your God.’’"

* Found on blueletterbible.org; Matthew Henry's Commentary on Isaiah 2