One verse that has been a grounding verse for me during these current post-grad years of life is a line from Psalm 139, "you know all of my days, every one of them, even as yet there were none". The idea, and fact, that God knows all of my days even as yet there were none of them is so mind boggling to me. I think of this less during the seasons of life where I'm so full of joy and excitement I could just burst; seasons of elation. It's the seasons of life when I feel as if I truly am busting and breaking into pieces, seasons of sorrow, that I think of this truth more, nudged to remember who is in control - saved, but not without lots of questions.
The questions I'm learning may not all be answered - this I am learning is OK. Things just happen, life just happens - from my perspective anyway.
Life for me right now could not be more bittersweet. In fact that's the only way I have been tasting it lately. Perhaps, this is why I love strong coffee more and more, and my addiction to dark chocolate is sometimes consuming. I am learning to love bittersweet. I am seeing that life on this side of heaven will always be bittersweet. That strange and sometimes unbearable tension between the "already, but not yet" makes everything bittersweet, like a longing only half-way fulfilled or the beauty in the sky as the sun busts up the scene of a dark, strong summer storm creating the glimmer of a rainbow, a symbol of peace and promise against an ominous background.
I don't understand how and why things for me now need to be so bittersweet but I'm starting to find a groove here. I'm starting to embrace and survive this. I learning that crossing that oh so fine line between laughing and crying is okay. Joy within sorrow, laughter amid pain. I know this right now; I'm living this right now. I am surviving this right now and I am OK. There is something rich along this fine line. The richness makes me thankful. It makes enduring the sorrows and eating up the joys worthwhile. I'm also learning I'm never ready for either one.
The completion of the "already" makes living in the "not yet" a bit more bearable - hope for tomorrow and strength for today.
The questions I'm learning may not all be answered - this I am learning is OK. Things just happen, life just happens - from my perspective anyway.
Life for me right now could not be more bittersweet. In fact that's the only way I have been tasting it lately. Perhaps, this is why I love strong coffee more and more, and my addiction to dark chocolate is sometimes consuming. I am learning to love bittersweet. I am seeing that life on this side of heaven will always be bittersweet. That strange and sometimes unbearable tension between the "already, but not yet" makes everything bittersweet, like a longing only half-way fulfilled or the beauty in the sky as the sun busts up the scene of a dark, strong summer storm creating the glimmer of a rainbow, a symbol of peace and promise against an ominous background.
I don't understand how and why things for me now need to be so bittersweet but I'm starting to find a groove here. I'm starting to embrace and survive this. I learning that crossing that oh so fine line between laughing and crying is okay. Joy within sorrow, laughter amid pain. I know this right now; I'm living this right now. I am surviving this right now and I am OK. There is something rich along this fine line. The richness makes me thankful. It makes enduring the sorrows and eating up the joys worthwhile. I'm also learning I'm never ready for either one.
The completion of the "already" makes living in the "not yet" a bit more bearable - hope for tomorrow and strength for today.
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