Welp, as usual, it's been a few months :)
I don't mind posting every few months. The gaps allow time for life and living, and more to blog about!
In reading over my previous entry, I'm surprised by how ironically relevant my thoughts and words were for the weeks following that post. And I marveled at how I little I knew then about living in bittersweet.
During the time of my previous post, on the bittersweet-ness of life, I was wrestling through the joy and excitement of heading off to Ireland :) for a 12day excursion - 1 part mission trip & 1 part vision trip - and the sadness of leaving my family during a concerning time. Days before I was to leave for Ireland my grandfather had a very sudden massive stroke. Prognosis was not positive, at all. And just a few short weeks before all of this, a new really fun dating relationship had abruptly ended and was still working through that. That was a little bit of sadness, but of a different kind.
Little did I know during the coming weeks, the bitterness would increase while the sweetness decreased, and I would find myself exhausted, tired, frustrated - SPENT - internally screaming, "Stop with the chaos already! I'm done, I can't take it!"
My grandfather passed away during my last day in Ireland. I came home just in time to attend his funeral. It happened to be the same weekend of a good friend's wedding. I originally thought I'd be coming home to attend and participate in the wedding, however, that was obviously not so. Not only did I come home with sad and heavy heart, the AC was broken in my house, and my Jeep at the same time suddenly needed a new alternator, as evidenced by not cranking after being jumped, and the Auto Zone alternator test!
The Monday & Tuesday following the funeral, only held a bit more stress. On Monday, my roommate and I learn we have 7 weeks to find a new dwelling place - the homeowners decided to put the house on the market. Here comes move #4 since May of 2009. It's 2012 people - do the math. I'm becoming a professional mover! Yahoo for singleness; Yahoo for renting - not! Tuesday held for me more stress of the familial kind as began to deal with some issues concerning another family member's health/well being.
Now, how is there much sweet in all this, you may wonder. It sounds kind of crazy, right?
The Dating Halt
Bitterness: confusion, end of fun, feeling rejection, loss of a friend (in a way but not a total loss prob.)
Sweetness: well, more free time to raise support for Ireland, seeing God's provision like crazy, no more worries/wonders about "where it's going"
Trip to Ireland
Bitterness: leaving my family during a hard time, sadness over my grandfather's health, saying goodbye,
Sweetness: hearing the stories of other folks' lives/suffering through loss and how they still praise and worship God, walking in Dublin, fish & chips, new friends, adventure.
The Funeral
Bitterness: the loss, the sadness, trying to explain/understand death
Sweetness: celebration of a beautiful life! learning more about my family & my grandfather, going through it with them, seeing what a blessing family is and praising God for them, hoping in the promises of God - finding strength there.
The Move:
Bitterness: bad timing (didn't want it to happen necessarily), not being neighbors with great friends, stress of looking for a new place, another reminder of an 'unsettled' lifestyle, planning a move,
Sweetness: seeing God's faithfulness through providing so many things - a new place, friends to help, meeting my needs
Moral of the story: Life and circumstance will always be changing, and will never fail to disappoint or cause pain. But God never will...so let the bittersweet continue. By Him I press on; in Him I will - very much humbled.
I don't mind posting every few months. The gaps allow time for life and living, and more to blog about!
In reading over my previous entry, I'm surprised by how ironically relevant my thoughts and words were for the weeks following that post. And I marveled at how I little I knew then about living in bittersweet.
During the time of my previous post, on the bittersweet-ness of life, I was wrestling through the joy and excitement of heading off to Ireland :) for a 12day excursion - 1 part mission trip & 1 part vision trip - and the sadness of leaving my family during a concerning time. Days before I was to leave for Ireland my grandfather had a very sudden massive stroke. Prognosis was not positive, at all. And just a few short weeks before all of this, a new really fun dating relationship had abruptly ended and was still working through that. That was a little bit of sadness, but of a different kind.
Little did I know during the coming weeks, the bitterness would increase while the sweetness decreased, and I would find myself exhausted, tired, frustrated - SPENT - internally screaming, "Stop with the chaos already! I'm done, I can't take it!"
My grandfather passed away during my last day in Ireland. I came home just in time to attend his funeral. It happened to be the same weekend of a good friend's wedding. I originally thought I'd be coming home to attend and participate in the wedding, however, that was obviously not so. Not only did I come home with sad and heavy heart, the AC was broken in my house, and my Jeep at the same time suddenly needed a new alternator, as evidenced by not cranking after being jumped, and the Auto Zone alternator test!
The Monday & Tuesday following the funeral, only held a bit more stress. On Monday, my roommate and I learn we have 7 weeks to find a new dwelling place - the homeowners decided to put the house on the market. Here comes move #4 since May of 2009. It's 2012 people - do the math. I'm becoming a professional mover! Yahoo for singleness; Yahoo for renting - not! Tuesday held for me more stress of the familial kind as began to deal with some issues concerning another family member's health/well being.
Now, how is there much sweet in all this, you may wonder. It sounds kind of crazy, right?
The Dating Halt
Bitterness: confusion, end of fun, feeling rejection, loss of a friend (in a way but not a total loss prob.)
Sweetness: well, more free time to raise support for Ireland, seeing God's provision like crazy, no more worries/wonders about "where it's going"
Trip to Ireland
Bitterness: leaving my family during a hard time, sadness over my grandfather's health, saying goodbye,
Sweetness: hearing the stories of other folks' lives/suffering through loss and how they still praise and worship God, walking in Dublin, fish & chips, new friends, adventure.
The Funeral
Bitterness: the loss, the sadness, trying to explain/understand death
Sweetness: celebration of a beautiful life! learning more about my family & my grandfather, going through it with them, seeing what a blessing family is and praising God for them, hoping in the promises of God - finding strength there.
The Move:
Bitterness: bad timing (didn't want it to happen necessarily), not being neighbors with great friends, stress of looking for a new place, another reminder of an 'unsettled' lifestyle, planning a move,
Sweetness: seeing God's faithfulness through providing so many things - a new place, friends to help, meeting my needs
Moral of the story: Life and circumstance will always be changing, and will never fail to disappoint or cause pain. But God never will...so let the bittersweet continue. By Him I press on; in Him I will - very much humbled.
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