Much Afraid, Now Acceptance with Joy

A few months back I finished reading Hinds Feet in High Places. The day I picked up the book, I thought to myself "This is going to get me to Ireland!" For some reason I thought an allegorical tale, meant to illustrate and articulate the nature of God as our Good Shepherd in a fancy way, was my ticket across the Atlantic. That should have been my first red flag. I laugh, now, at those thoughts. Not in a judgemental, "holier-than-thou" attitude, but more from the perspective of "joke's on you Paige! God has something more for you and He is a way better author than you are."

My favorite part of the story is the end. During Much Afraid's long journey, she's longing so much for transformation. That transformation, she doesn't realize at the time, is happening during her long journey partnered with Sorrow and Suffering. The transformation she's longing for is finalized at the end of the story and it is beautiful.She is physically perfected, and she's given a new name! Acceptance with Joy.

When I picked up this tale, I thought I was in control of even my spiritual formation (might even say especially my spiritual formation) and that it would come from a book I chose to read, and not the power of God?! How false I was.

My second favorite part of this story are the many alter scenes, the burning away of Much Afraid's trust in herself. There were several times Much Afraid had to let go of something of her own and watch it be burnt up. The small sacrifice was not without a cost of pain each time, but she let them all go one by one. And each time, although she thought she was going to die quite the opposite was true. She found that she was given a new understanding and trust in the Good Shepherd that freed her!


Did finishing the book get me Ireland? No. Did finishing the book get me to more of Jesus? Yes. Were my hopes and affections misplaced? Yes, absolutely. My understanding convoluted? Yes.*

Similarly, to Much Afraid, I long for the High Places and I too survey what is before me etching out a pathway of my own up the mountain all the while forgetting that I've set out to follow the Good Shepherd who knows the way.  I didn't realize that God, in reading about Much Afraid dying to herself, was beginning to soften my heart, yet again, to receive more of Him; more of the Gospel before a crucial time in my life. For it is about following and obeying the path set before me, rather than striking out my own based on my own understanding of the terrain.

You see, I thought going to Ireland for overseas missions would be my transformer. As I lay down my pen and push aside the narrative I was writing, I begin to see the words on the page already written, for me. I am becoming Acceptance with Joy through journeys of sorrow and suffering. Without Sorrow and Suffering right by her side Much Afraid could not have made it at all to the High Places.


*Hinds Feet on High Places is not a inspired word of God, merely a tool or fictional supplement much like Pilgrim's Progress to illustrate the life of one who sets out to respond to the call of God on their life: to follow Him. Clarity on the misplaced affections of my heart came from reading God's word, "living and active, sharper than any two edged sword".